liverpool

Plastic Dancing

If you were at The Krazyhouse, Liverpool on Saturday night, particularly if you were mixing it on K1, then you might remember me as the one looking like a banana plant gently wafting in the breeze in the middle of the floor. I am sorry for looking like an inanimate lump of plasticine.

I am a lover of music, but it doesn’t really inspire me to move parts of my body. I learned on Saturday night that that makes me strange. For the most part, the music that filled the room was of various metal-based genres, which at the very least warrants some head-banging. Other genres of music require more gentile body movements (like line-dancing, for instance). I meet all types of music with the same whimsical nodding of the head, a gentle tapping of the foot, and occasionally staring at the ceiling to appreciate where I am and what I am listening to.

That does, however, mean it appears I am bored and dislike the music. That is not the case. But it does make me look a right wally. But I don’t care too much about looking a twit (just as well, really). The important thing was seeing my friends again, and I am hugely grateful for that short time.

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Jolly Green Giant

Weiran alerted me to an article about David James yesterday, published earlier this month. It is really a short biography of the England goalkeeper’s professional career, and his opinion on football’s role in preserving the environment.

Yet while most will look upon his conversion of a gas-guzzler to a green machine as the most interesting product of his mindset, or his opinion in those World Cups in which he had been called up but had not participated, I read with interest about his days at Liverpool and his subsequent transfer to Aston Villa.

"That was at the height of the ‘Calamity James’ thing and I was making mistakes because I didn’t know what I was doing. It sounds mad, but at Liverpool I didn’t know what was going on. Things weren’t right in my game, and when I asked the staff why, I was told, ‘You’re a big boy, you’ll get over it’, which was not the answer I needed. I was looking for something to hold on to, and there was nothing there.

"… [My psychologist] Keith keeps me on an even keel, mentally. If mistakes happen, they happen. In the past, when I was looking for perfection, it was easy to dwell on them, but you start wearing yourself down, which is what happened to me at Liverpool. I was destroying my own confidence. Now, with Keith, the solid platform is there, regardless of my form."

David James speaking to Joe Lovejoy of The Times

I think that’s my problem. I had shown to be quite mature from a young age, but maturity carries responsibility. If I had a problem, I was trusted to be able to handle it myself. For the most part I could, you learn that most problems are trivial and it is usually obvious which problems need to be dealt with and ones that you cannot do anything about. But I’ve found when you cannot decide whether a problem should be sorted out, or when you have a problem that you can’t sort out, you are told ‘You’re a big boy, you’ll get over it’.

You get used to that burden, no matter what age you are. And when that happens, it takes rather more effort to get someone like me to really open up — to do so feels like a weakness in your character.

So ‘Jamo’ is lucky. He has a mentor with whom he can speak to every day. I wish I could have that.

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Newcastle United v England

This would be a very interesting match. Over the past week, I have witnessed (endured, despaired, …) England’s dismal performance followed by Newcastle’s dismal performance. To be honest, there wasn’t much different between the performances.

My opinion of the Football Association was greatly improved this week. It’s not the fact that they sacked Steve McClaren, but more the fact that they apologised for their team’s performance, which was absolutely the right thing to do. I noticed how none of the players from the England squad have apologised for their part in the dreadful display that night. Steve Gerrard simply said "life goes on", and his utterly abject contribution — as captain — during the game was made somewhat worse by his decidedly miraculous recovery for Liverpool against Newcastle.

The difference between Newcastle’s players and England’s players over the two games is that we noticed that Alan Smith — who played terribly and somehow managed to pick up the Man of the Match award — and James Milner made a point of staying behind after the match to applaud the fans for their contribution to the atmosphere.

The Gallowgate could only applaud some of Liverpool’s play. The third goal in particular was greeted by applause across the stadium; and the banter between the rival fans was surprisingly heartening, despite how smug they might have been, and how bitter we might have been.

It’s peculiar being a Newcastle United supporter; you only enjoy it when you are three goals down. When we’re winning, we’re nervous we’ll lose our lead; when we’re drawing, we’re nervous we lose; and when we’re losing, we’re anxious of trying to get back into the game. At 3-0 down, we were beaten and no real good reason to be enthusiastic, but our tongue-in-cheek, almost sarcastic chanting and singing is really quite enjoyable. We started Oléing the few passes we managed to string together by the end…

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Premiership Preview 2007-2008

This is my insightful prediction into the final table of this season’s Premier League campaign. Everyone will disagree, but I don’t care!

  1. Manchester United

    Although their summer signings, Hargreaves aside, were low-key but big-money signings, it will be last year’s outfit that will prove to be the winners again. They managed without Heinze during his injury last season, so he won’t be a significant miss for them. Michael Carrick will be their star of the season, provided he keeps Hargreaves out of the first team.

  2. Chelsea

    I found Chelsea’s summer signings disappointing: I don’t think Pizarro will adjust well to the Premiership, but questioning Mourinho’s judgment is a dangerous thing! Shaun Wright-Phillips will come to the fore this season, and will find his England form once again.

  3. Portsmouth

    Portsmouth are going strength to strength, making solid signings and Harry Redknapp is creating a team for the future. Sol Campbell’s contribution will be the key to Portsmouth’s finishing position.

  4. Liverpool

    Benitez’s side this season is not too much different from the team last season. Alvaro Arbeloa should be their star player, should he get a regular starting spot.

  5. West Ham United

    West Ham have spent a lot of money during the off-season, and made some quite shrewd signings. If Craig Bellamy gets the right service, he will fire the Hammers up the table.

  6. Newcastle United

    Big Sam has made a few signings over the summer, strengthening areas that he felt were weak. However, the team is still susceptible to injuries – particularly in that dreaded defence. Geremi will provide some goals for the Toon this season.

  7. Arsenal

    It isn’t just the loss of Henry and the impending loss of Wenger that I feel is eroding the Arsenal camp; I feel they are becoming weak in all areas of the pitch. Tomas Rosicky could prove to be an unlikely light in a team that will lose confidence quickly.

  8. Tottenham Hotspur

    With a strikeforce that the rest of the league fears, Spurs will be thought of as a dangerous opposition. However, it wasn’t the strikeforce that was weak last season, and I feel Jol has only strengthened his frontline. Tom Huddlestone will come to the fore, dominating the Spurs midfield.

  9. Blackburn Rovers

    Rovers have pretty much the same starting eleven as last year: I feel the new signings aren’t as good as the players they already have. Benni McCarthy will create goals out of nothing and will be the main focus of the pundits.

  10. Sunderland

    Mackem fans have barely had a day without a new signing to read about in the daily papers. Sunderland have strength in numbers, and I think Keiran Richardson will be their best signing.

  11. Manchester City

    Perhaps Eriksson will prove to be City’s best signing of the summer. His signings may seem rushed, but this makes them unknown entities. We won’t know how their season will go until after their first few games. Martin Petrov could be their best player.

  12. Aston Villa

    Martin O’Neill’s rescue of the club is still slow in progress, but steady. They have made two signings over the summer and said goodbye to many more, which is very much a disappointment. Gary Cahill will make the step up to become a solid centre-back.

  13. Birmingham City

    The Blues will have a good enough season to ensure a safe passage to the Premiership next season. Gary McShreffrey will make his step up to the top level with ease.

  14. Everton

    The Toffees are due a bad season this time. I feel they may buck the trend of having one season good, one season bad; but they haven’t made any real changes to last season’s team. Mikael Arteta is going to be the creative element for Everton this season.

  15. Reading

    Reading made the same mistake Wigan did last season, and countless other surviving newly-promoted teams have done in the past: they have failed to keep their more successful players. Their survival this season will be ensured if Leroy Lita finds the net regularly enough.

  16. Fulham

    I have been quite impressed by Sanchez’s signings over the summer, and perhaps their new strikeforce will fire them out of danger. However, their defence could be their downfall. David Healy will be their most impressive buy.

  17. Bolton Wanderers

    I don’t think life after Allardyce will be a quiet one. I think their signings might have been better. Nicolas Anelka will have to work hard and produce the goods this season, or else he will be on his travels again.

  18. Wigan Athletic

    I think Chris Hutchings could be this season’s Iain Dowie, and could soon find himself in a sinking boat. Some might argue that his signings were good ones, but some would certainly argue against that. Titus Bramble will be a better player for having left Newcastle, and I think some will be surprised by his commanding presence and tough tackling.

  19. Middlesbrough

    I predicted Boro would be relegated last season because of their lack of signings and flood of players heading towards the exits. It seems to have got worse this season, so I fear for them. Jonathan Woodgate will be their best player, but don’t expect them to keep many clean sheets this season.

  20. Derby County

    It seems as though Derby are insuring against their swift return to the Championship by tightening up the pursestrings. All eyes will be on Giles Barnes, but any highlights in their season will be made by Robert Earnshaw, who will desperate to prove himself in the Premiership once again.

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Double Cross

The plot thickens! In an interesting twist, Liverpool have joined the argument between Sheffield United and The Premier League. It would seem that Rick Parry, Liverpool’s Chief Executive is keen to have West Ham United relegated and Sheffield United reinstated.

This is rather peculiar, since Liverpool obtained Javier Mascherano from West Ham United in an undisclosed deal, and have also been heavily linked with Carlos Tevez: both players whom are at the centre of this dispute. My (perhaps unfounded) suspicions are such that both Tevez and Mascherano are still owned by third-parties. If that is the case, then Liverpool are likely to be dragging themselves down, as there will probably be further investigation into the players’ ownerships.

Even if both Liverpool and West Ham United emerge from this mess without a stain on either’s reputation, it is doubtful that Eggert Magnusson et al at West Ham will be willing to commence any trade of players between the two teams for a while.

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Bad Losers

Sheffield United are currently trying to single-handedly sort out the Mascherano-Tevez affair. This is false. The Mascherano-Tevez affair had been sorted out long ago. Instead, Sheffield United are trying to cling onto their disappearing hopes of remaining in the Premiership. They would far rather see some other club removed from the Premiership in order so that they can remain at the expense of others.

To their credit, perhaps Tevez and Mascherano should not have played for West Ham United, and perhaps Tevez still shouldn’t have played for West Ham after the punishment was delivered. But surely Mascherano, by the same token, should not have been playing for Liverpool? Yet Sheffield United have no qualms about Mascherano playing for Liverpool. So this really isn’t about justice.

At the end of the day, a team fielded a player to have a sporting game. Of the games between West Ham United and Sheffield United last season, Tevez played in both, and each side won a game. I don’t think West Ham cheated by fielding the two Argentinians and they did not gain an advantage.

So why bother dredging this all up? Greed. Not exactly sporting, really.

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Hollow Victory

AC Milan were victorious last night, as they beat Liverpool 2-1 in the European Cup final. It was a crap game in all fairness – a bit of a damp squib with the excitement of starting a new tube of toothpaste.

But other events at the final made me realise how thick and stupid us football supporters are.

Take a look at UEFA blames Reds fans for chaos (BBC Sport). Here we have a situation where football fans come bottom of the list: 20,000 tickets were given to the "UEFA family" – read sponsors and benefactors. 9,000 were allocated by means of a ballot. That is 29,000 seats gone already out of a 63,000-capacity stadium – about half. The 34,000 remaining were split between Liverpool and AC Milan supporters. Of the 17,000 seats allocated to each of these clubs, Liverpool and AC Milan will have set a significant number aside for their own sponsors and benefactors, and the rest would have been snapped up by the countless thousands of eager supporters that would have wanted to go. Liverpool complain over tickets (EPSNsoccernet).

UEFA blames Liverpool fans for their part in the chaotic scenes as fans desperately tried to see their heroes and saw only disinterested fatcats waltz into the stadium to drink some wine and chat about the weather back home.

But I’m no better. I am seeking to renew my season ticket with Newcastle United. I paid outrageous prices to view the "entertainment" on offer last season at St. James’ Park. If I went to watch an opera or a play and see similar performances, you can bet there would be a queue for people getting their money back. But such is the passion for the game, no-one even thinks to demand a refund on their tickets, and in fact they are often near the front of the queue for the next ticket. And we buy shirts and other merchandise. But when it comes to it, a football club is only as successful as its finances, not the calibre of its fans.

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European Crap

I have quite an intense dislike for Liverpool Football Club. It’s not the manager or the players as such. It’s the fans. They’re not bad as people – they’re good for a laugh, as much as the Geordies – but as supporters of a football, they are nobheads in essence… I feel they are a pretentious breed, demanding and expecting success based on long-gone glories. Pot calling kettle black. Apologies.

But anyhow, yes, the European Cup final is tomorrow, as I am sure you are aware. I have to say that I shall be supporting two teams tomorrow: AC Milan and Sky Sports. Before any cretinous half-witted sad person informs me that I should support the “British” team, I shall politely inform them to remove themselves from my vision before my fingers and his nose are in a state of brokenness. The fact is, I reckon most Liverpool supporters do not give a toss about representing Britain, and had Manchester United gone through to face Liverpool in the final, I would have supported them.

As for Sky Sports, I am glad they will be showing the European Cup final. I will not have to endure Clive Tyldesley’s "unique" commentary – "Hello! Hello! We have a game on here!"… Rather we have, probably, Andy Gray, who does not use each sentence as a one-liner to attempt to cement his place in commentators’ history. Unlike Kenneth Wolstenholme ("They think it’s all over…"), Clive Tyldesley attempts to make himself just as memorable as the occasion ("Remember the name… Wayne Rooney" – as if we could forget…).

Rant over, please return to your single-minded and deluded patriotism and your annoying commentary.

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Premiership Review

At the beginning of this season, I wrote my preview of how the Premiership the shape up by the end. Now that it’s finished, I have written a review.

  1. Manchester United

    I thought they’d finish 2nd
    I said:

    Much like last season, Manchester United will have been written off before the season has started. However, even despite a lack of signings, Manchester United will prove formidable underdogs.

    And formidable they were. I highlighted Keiran Richardson as the player to look out for. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t given much of a run, largely thanks to the form of other midfield players – particularly Cristiano Ronaldo. I had hoped that Wayne Rooney would have been more threatening in front of goal, but that didn’t seem to hinder Manchester United’s progress this season.

  2. Chelsea

    I thought they’d finish 1st
    I said:

    My concern for Chelsea is that they still appear light in defence – perhaps this might be rectified with the signing of [Ashley] Cole.

    With Ashley Cole injured for much of the season, and with William Gallas off to Arsenal in return, Chelsea’s defence has been arguably their sticking point this season. With their defence overwrought with injuries, it was perhaps understandable that Chelsea struggled in the middle of the season. I tipped Salomon Kalou as the player to watch, and his performances later in the season indicate my belief that he will be “the next Henry”. However, I think few can doubt that Michael Essien shone in a team that has been let down by some below-par performances this season.

  3. Liverpool

    I thought they’d finish 3rd
    I said:

    Liverpool have made some good signings over the summer, with Bellamy and Pennant among them. They still fall short of Chelsea and Manchester United.

    Jermain Pennant, despite early promise, failed to deliver largely through a lack of chances. I suggested at the beginning of the season that Pennant would contribute some need width to the team. However, Liverpool continue to play with a narrow midfield and rely on their full backs to put in the crosses. As such, I felt John Arne Riise was their player to watch this season.

  4. Arsenal

    I thought they’d finish 4th
    I said:

    Wenger has this ability to get rid of his best players but still field a winning team. Although they could be without Ashley Cole, Arsenal’s youngsters will provide adequate cover. However, I doubt they will match last year’s European Cup run.

    Arsenal suffered from injuries early on, most notably those of Thierry Henry and Robin Van Persie. Having said that, Wenger produced as many young starlets as needed to fill the spots vacated, including Emmanuel Eboué who pleased pundits and fans this season.

  5. Tottenham Hotspur

    I thought they’d finish 6th
    I said:

    Spurs will regroup having had a largely successful season last year. Despite losing Carrick, Martin Jol has retained most of last year’s squad which made themselves difficult opposition last year.

    Despite having a decent midfield and a great strikeforce, Spurs’ defence has been lacking. Having kept only five clean sheets this season, it is clear that Spurs have missed the presence of captain Ledley King. Even after their frailties at the back, they achieved my expectations. Michael Dawson didn’t have the best of seasons in the end. Dimitar Berbatov on the other hand flourished.

  6. Everton

    I thought they’d finish 15th
    I said:

    Despite having a good forward partnership of Andrew Johnson and James Beattie, their defence will let them down this season. I also feel that their midfield needs strengthening before the transfer window closes to ensure safety.

    I got this one wrong. Everton have a knack for having a good every-other-season. And to be fair, both their defence and their midfield proved me wrong this season. Playing well as a team proved to be their forté and produced a winning combination. James Vaughan played well, but Victor Anichebe had a solid first season.

  7. Bolton Wanderers

    I thought they’d finish 9th
    I said:

    Largely unchanged from last season, Bolton will know exactly how to play before the season has begun. Having already found their “winning formula”, their biggest concern will be maintaining form.

    Bolton played in the way they were comfortable with and performed solidly throughout the season. The addition of Nicolas Anelka helped the team immensely. Ricardo Gardner had an anonymous season.

  8. Reading

    I thought they’d finish 17th
    I said:

    I think Reading will do enough this season to ensure we see them again next season. They have some quality in the side that might surprise some – perhaps myself included!

    Nuff said, really! Reading did better than most people’s expectations – at least all but the Reading supporters! Even without the goalscoring presence of Dave Kitson for most of the season, Steve Sidwell made a name for himself. Reading secured their Premiership status early on, and they will be hoping that they don’t replicate so many overachieving teams in the Premiership such as Ipswich.

  9. Portsmouth

    I thought they’d finish 7th
    I said:

    Portsmouth have made some extraordinarily shrewd signings since last season – with David James in goal and Sol Campbell in defence. Pompey will be a surprise package this season.

    Matthew Taylor contributed with spectacular and important goals this season, and David James broke the Premiership clean sheet record. As a team, Portsmouth did not surprise me with their performance. They will be looking to add to their strikeforce over the summer.

  10. Blackburn Rovers

    I thought they’d finish 13th
    I said:

    Having lost all their firepower from last season, I don’t have much hope for Blackburn Rovers making an impression on the top half of the league. And new signing and former FC Porto frontman Benni McCarthy is still a good striker.

    Few would doubt that Benni McCarthy has had a magnificent season for Rovers, and his firepower alone pushed Blacburn up the table. His partnership with Jason Roberts flourished as the season progressed. They missed Robbie Savage for most of this season.

  11. Aston Villa

    I thought they’d finish 16th
    I said:

    Despite a huge coup in securing Martin O’Neill as boss, the former Celtic boss has no time in which to construct his own squad. Only O’Neill’s astute management will keep them up this season.

    Aston Villa have had yet another distinctly average season. O’Neill will be having a clearout this summer, and will build the side he wants. I expect them to be much tougher next season. Luke Moore was one of the few notable performers, and Gareth Barry edged closer towards an England callup.

  12. Middlesbrough

    I thought they’d finish 19th
    I said:

    After culling some of the team’s biggest names, Southgate has got his work cut out this season to keep the team out of the relegation zone. It will be a poor follow-up to last year’s UEFA Cup run.

    Although Middlesbrough exceeded my expectations, they had a mediocre season. Lee Cattermole had an ok season. Mark Viduka had some good performances, but as to whether he stays for next season remains to be seen.

  13. Newcastle United

    I thought they’d finish 5th (oh what was I thinking?)
    I said:

    The promise of new faces and with a promising crop of young talent, provided that there is not a repeat of the injury crisis, this season could be promising for The Magpies. The dawn of a new era beyond Shearer might be better than anticipated.

    We had an injury crisis. James Milner (who coincidentally didn’t get injured) had a good solid season. Nicky Butt was my player of the season, and won over the fans.

  14. Manchester City

    I thought they’d finish 10th
    I said:

    Stuart Pearce has had a battle to keep the big names in his squad and to encourage new players to join. I think there is enough for Manchester City to be suspended in mid-table, but this season won’t be nice to watch.

    Goals were hard to come by this season, and this led to a struggle to win games. Stephen Ireland impressed and broke into the Republic Of Ireland squad. Joey Barton had flashes of brilliance, but seeing as not even Stuart Pearce made it to next season, don’t expect to see him there next season…

  15. West Ham United

    I thought they’d finish 8th
    I said:

    Their good team spirit is their greatest attribute and last year’s FA Cup run is testament to that. It may be that their lack of big names will be their undoing, but they should not struggle this season.

    Some might argue that the loss of a team spirit was their undoing, as was the introduction of big names. Having said that, despite their struggles this season, they showed their resolve in achieving Premiership safety this season. They missed Dean Ashton through long term injury this season, but Carlos Tevez was a more than ample replacement come the tail end of the season.

  16. Fulham

    I thought they’d finish 14th
    I said:

    With some good signings over the summer, Fulham should see a little resurgence this year. This largely depends on them finding their form, which has eluded them in the past.

    Despite making some good signings over the summer, Jimmy Bullard included, Fulham failed to build on their survival last term. Injuries hampered the side again, and this ultimately led to Chris Coleman’s sacking. Vincenzo Montella proved a canny buy over the January transfer window.

  17. Wigan Athletic

    I thought they’d finish 11th
    I said:

    Having sold Bullard to Fulham and ringing in the changes, Paul Jewell might have been better leaving his squad alone over the summer. They won’t be as good this season as last.

    Having sold the backbone of the team, Wigan were bound to struggle this year, though I did not think they would be facing relegation. Denny Landzaat was one of the replacements brought in, but was largely disappointing. Leighton Baines however has attracted interest from the Big Four. If Wigan are to stay in the Premiership next season, though, they must try to keep him.

  18. Sheffield United

    I thought they’d finish 12th
    I said:

    Neil Warnock knows how Premiership management works. Because he has such original ideas, his side will have a cutting edge over the other promoted teams. I hope that this cutting edge will make them as good as Wigan last season, but I don’t think they will break into the top half.

    Despite having an encouraging start with a draw against Liverpool, Sheffield United will feel that they could have survived if more went their way. Some good results were undone by some poor ones. Phil Jagielka chipped in with a few goals, but Chris Morgan, club captain, was their player of the season for me.

  19. Charlton Athletic

    I thought they’d finish 18th
    I said:

    Iain Dowie has made a scurry of signings. However, I feel that while some were shrewd, others have been made in haste. I will be interested to see how the new era of Charlton after Curbishley will shape up, but I fear that Charlton will struggle this season.

    Some have joked that Charlton are holding their own Manager of the Season competition this year, and having three in a term meant that Charlton were always going to struggle. Many of their pre-season signings seemed dubious, but while Darren Ambrose had a bit-part to play this season, signing Scott Carson on loan might have been their best piece of business had he had some good defenders in front of him.

  20. Watford

    I thought they’d finish 20th
    I said:

    With a desire to keep things financially sound this year in case of relegation, Watford will probably succeed only in insuring and ensuring their downfall. Some players, like Chris Powell, have been introduced to share experience with a naive squad, but this won’t be enough to keep them out of the bottom three.

    Watford’s failure to make an impact on the Premiership was sadly predictable. Having spent little this year, they should have a bit tucked away in order to challenge for promotion next season.

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Fresh Of The Crapwalk

This is what Newcastle United will be playing in next season:Newcastle United Home Shirt 2007-2009
From Newcastle United’s Official Website – probably copyrighted, but I wouldn’t claim ownership…No matter how badly they play next season, at least it won’t be as bad as their kit… This serves me right for taking the mick out of Chelsea and Liverpool’s kits.

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